Praise Jeebus

OK, so I’ve been in Amsterdam for two days now and I haven’t gotten high once. Are you proud of me momma?

I have, however, been walking for about 5 hours a day and taking a ton of pictures (over 300 easy). It’s just so freakin’ beautiful, well most of it (but more on that later). I got here around 9 AM on the bus from London.

Warning: NEVER TAKE A BUS FROM LONDON TO AMSTERDAM. Ever. For any reason. Enough said. It sort of made me wonder if taking the bus around Europe was a bad idea, but I’ve talked to some people here at the hostel who came in via Busabout and they said it was pretty nice. So I’ll reserve judgment and hold off on having someone mail me a Eurail pass.

This hostel is much better than the last. A lot cleaner with friendlier staff and more of a mix of people and ages. So when I got here Nikki picked me up at Amstel station and we headed back to her place. We caught up for a while and then headed out for a bike tour of Amsterdam. I didn’t even fall off once! Yeah me. Then because the weather was nice she took me to this hippy beach area. It was nice and weird at the same time. It was sort of like a shanty town with a make shift restaurant/bar. Everything decorated in psychedelic patterns – apparently it was very “Dutch”.

Then we headed out and met some of her friends for snacks/drinks and to watch the Euro Cup finals. Yes – I watched a sporting event (will wonders never cease). All her friends were nice enough to speak English for me which I’m sure was more of an imposition than they let on.

I’ve spent the last two days just walking around the city taking pictures. Just when you thing you’ve seen it all you turn the corner and there’s something else beautiful. It’s really amazing (and the city layout is totally confusing so I probably have 200 pictures of the same square). But I did take a canal boat tour ala Monica’s suggestion and that was helpful. But seriously, my dogs are barking and my footwear is giving me blisters. So I’ve decided to tone down the walking a little and make better use of public transport. It’s supposed to be lousy weather tomorrow, so I’m planning on doing the whole museum thing. It’s been so nice here weather-wise I wanted to make sure I did the outdoorsy stuff while I could. More later and I’ll post the pics as soon as I can.

So now on the R rated stuff (Mom, you can stop reading now). This Red Light district is completely disgusting. These girls, who are in no way attractive, sit in windows like store mannequins, and try to entice you to buy their "services". This enticement may come in the form a leg spread (ala Sharon Stone in Basic Instinct) or, to my surprise, the windows actually open (like doors) and they reach out and grab your unit.

Now I’m no prude, but getting your unit grabbed should never be a surprise (and never when your attention is somewhere else) – it ends badly. In this case in ended with me jumping backwards and tripping over the cobblestones behind me (cobblestones really have an issue with the Jacomes) and grabbing onto the hooker for balance – which just made us both fall down. So there we are on the ground while passers by laughed at us. She apologized for startling me (which I though was nice considering – even though it was totally her fault) and then tried to get me to have a go. I declined as I wouldn’t have had sex with her for free – never mind for money. The rest of the district, where there aren’t hookers, is all sex shops selling toys and porno. I just kept thinking, “Wow I know someone who would think he had died and gone to heaven to be here.” But I’ll leave him nameless so as to spare him any embarrassment – but you know who you are.

So I headed out of the red light district (I’m sharing a room with six people – what use do I have for porno) and went to sit in a square. While I was sitting there these two older women in red vests that said “Aide” come over and started talking to me – asking me where I was from and if I was liking Amsterdam. Then they asked me if I’d allowed Jesus to save me and I thought, “Jesus freaks just steps from the red light district?” Well I guess they know their audience. So, because my momma and poppa taught me to be polite, I said that I wasn't interested. But they weren’t taking no for an answer – which I guess is as it should be. You can't spread the word if you give up too easily. I mean Jesus did die on a cross – these ladies should at least be persistent. Finally they gave up when I told them that I thought Jesus was the son of the devil and that he was going to bring about the end of humanity. After that, I guess they figured I was crazier than they were and left me alone.